It’s been nearly a year since my three meager posts. The blog that started in a rush of eagerness to ponder, reflect and explore sputtered and stalled. What happened? Enemy, thy name is Perfection.
I don’t consider myself a perfectionist. I’m certainly not detail oriented, as many of my former managers and my dear spouse can tell you. Misplaced wallets and keys, forgotten appointments, e-mails sent without promised attachments–I do it all. Heck, I can guarantee at least three typos in this post alone.
But there are some things that I guess I like to be great at. When I logged on to my blog account this morning and saw a list of unpublished drafts waiting for one final flash of rhetorical inspiration or an artful turn of phrase, I see that I really want to be the best special needs parent blog author ever. And this desire, while noble, is really cramping my output.
This makes me think back to other times in my special needs parenting life when my desire to be perfect has gotten in the way of getting things done at all. Teacher gifts ungiven because I wanted to find the most thoughtful gift (and I’m above cliche coffee mugs, of course). Gratitude never expressed to hospital staff because I never got myself to sit down to write the artful note (and thank you notes by email just won’t do, don’t you know). Special education department feedback never shared because I couldn’t figure out how to deliver the message in that perfect tone both diplomatic yet firm (and I don’t like to be a trouble maker). Photos never printed (because I don’t have time to get caught up on the eight-year backlog.) Even projects and activities with the kids that we never started (because I didn’t have enough time to make them mind-blowingly creative.) So because I don’t do it perfectly, I don’t do it at all.
I’d love to hear about other parents who are learning to let go of paralyzing perfectionism. If this post ever gets published, assume I’ve won a battle for today.